


Never going to lose you

by Fairlywritten



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Past Relationship(s), Post-Golden Deer Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:00:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24092479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairlywritten/pseuds/Fairlywritten
Summary: War can take it's toll on anyone even the most cheerful ones, as such ferdinand tries to move on from the nightmares of war and the deaths of his former classmates, almost every night ferdinand has nightmares of war times and who else to comfort him when he wakes up other than his loving wife, Hilda.
Relationships: Ferdinand Von Aeigr/Dorothea Arnault(past), Ferdinand von Aegir & Hilda Valentine Goneril, Ferdinand von Aegir/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Never going to lose you

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually an unpopular pairing but its one of my favorites so i decided to write about it, i hope you all enjoy it

He’s in a battle, and he’s alone, but it’s the same nonetheless; it’s the same commands he screams, the same hoarseness in his voice as he cries out, the same result. 

Hilda is dying. 

She had been hit hard by someone on Edelgard’s team who was charging to Ferdinand and plowed through Ferdinand can’t remember who it was, but Hilda somehow wasn’t fast enough to dodge the hit, even though ferdinand knows she can dodge anything. How the hell did that even happen? How did she get hit so hard? How did she not have a moment’s chance to hit back when ferdinand knows she can defeat anyone with even the least amount of force placed on Freikugel, even the laziest swing? 

Ferdinand is thinking too hard on this because he’s trying not to think of what he actually feels: his soul being crushed, remembering the time he was forced to kill Dorothea. 

Because in the end, this isn’t about the strategy; this isn’t about how Hilda could not protect herself. This is about the fact that if Hilda dies, Ferdinand could not experience another death from a person he cherished, especially hers. 

Because he realizes too late, with agonized screams, that it wasn’t that Hilda didn’t dodge in time the attacker was running up to the place Ferdinand fought at, armed and ready to stab into Ferdinand’s heart from behind, and she came directly in the way on purpose, so that she would die instead. She sacrificed herself for him. 

He’s going to die because he just knows that without Hilda, nothing will matter. She sacrificed herself to protect him, and now he can never repay her, can never hear her cute voice tricking him into doing her bidding, can never hear her shower of praises for him, can never see the smile on her face whenever he praised her. And whenever he sees her blush feeling something dangerous boiling in his eyes, too strong for him to control. 

He had no idea where his relationship with Hilda would go they’d made out a few times at the monastery, had gone on outings to the market late at night when all the shops were closed but the fireflies were out, had sat together at the tower, just talking and in those moments, Ferdinand truly saw that Hilda wasn’t as lazy or selfish as he thought she was. They were so similar. They were both terrified of the world around them, of showing their true thoughts, but they hid it a bit differently; where Ferdinand would boast about his abilities when feeling insecure, Hilda would pretend to be dumb because of something that happened, something that told her no one was worth her time or energy.

Ferdinand never found out what happened to make her think that, and he wishes he did. He wishes he knew why he was the exception, why of all people, Hilda decided Ferdinand was worth her effort, why he was worth saving even if it was to trick him into doing her chores. 

Ferdinand wishes now, as he holds her bloody corpse in his arms, that he had asked her why. She’s heavy and cold, turning to something like stone far too quickly for Ferdinand’s liking. 

He looks up, seeing Hilda’s killer in one of the Black Eagles, one of his old classmates, one of his friends of the distant past of five years, and he dreaded every moment of the fight as he cried out to the goddes, why he had to go through it again.  


______________________________________________________

He awakens in a cold sweat, his skin vibrating against his bones. For a moment, he wonders if he blacked out after shooting, checks his arms to see if there’s blood, but there isn’t, because. . . 

He’s in his room. He’s safe and sound in Aeigr territory. 

Ferdinand shivers as he realizes it was a nightmare. The battle was months ago; Hilda saved him months ago, and he left to Aeigr soon after, knowing well that they were victorious in the battle. 

Hilda never died yes, her injuries were grave because she was an idiot for being so reckless, but she never perished for Ferdinand. The nightmare only festers because Ferdinand thought she did, thought she couldn’t be saved, even when he thought she wouldnt risk her life for him. Nonetheless he dreams most nights that she died for him and he could never repay her, after she helped him go throuhgh the death of his father and his former friends on the black eagles class, especially his former love. 

But she’s okay. She’s sound asleep next to him on his bed. Her cheeks are flushed from the exertion of teaching all day and her hand is on his chest, her wedding ring glittering under the gentle shine of the moon. 

Ferdinand holds her closer to him, her breasts pressing against his thundering heart and she’s beautiful, so beautiful, so brave and so very prudent, he truly would never have her any other way. She’s his silly, reckless and loving wife

He kisses her forehead and holds her arm to bring it around his waist. She stirs, but he thinks he feels her settle back into sleep. He kisses her again, between her eyebrows. His own furrow because he’s so desperate for her, almost obsessed. It’s a bit embarrassing because he’s never longed for someone like this, wonders if she even realizes it because he's never felt this warmth under someone else’s touch. He can't stand not being around her, he thought to himself. 

As if on cue, Hilda stirs again, and this time, she wakes up. Ferdinand can feel her eyelashes fluttering against his jawline. He stiffens as if he was doing something wrong. He wonders if she knows he’s awake and if she’ll fall back asleep if he would stroke her hair gently. 

But she knows. He can feel it. 

“Have that nightmare again?” comes out scratchy from sleep. She doesn’t look at him, but she repositions herself so her face is in his neck, lips gently pressing into his flesh. 

Ferdinand bristles suddenly, remembering that he’s still not comfortable with how easily she reads him, though he knows he should be at this point; they’re lovers, closer to each other than anyone else. She’s his wife. It’s almost her duty to be able to read her husband, just as he can read hers. She realizes he’s gotten too used to hiding his feelings. 

Even without an answer, Hilda exhales against Ferdinand’s skin. “It’s okay dear,” she says. “We’re safe, I'm still here.”

Ferdinand rolls onto his back and she is pliant as he drags her with him, ending up leaning over his chest, the metal of her ring cold. She hums and he says nothing. 

“I love you.” She finally looks at his face, those pale-pink eyes droopy and endless. 

He exhales, surprised to find that it’s shaky. He runs his hand through her long hair, gently untangling knots that get caught on his fingers. 

“now and forever,” she continues, her voice sincere. “even if you still have feelings for her.”

“No,” he says before thinking—as he often does around her—his voice somehow both firm and brittle as his arms tighten around her. "You're the only one for me, my love".

He can feel her eyes on him even as he looks up to avoid looking at them and acknowledging what he said, at the canopy of his bed adorned with traditional Adrestian beads that match the ones in his hair. 

“are you sure?” she still asks, wanting to belive in his words, a concerned look strikes her face. 

“I am,” is all he says, and when he looks at her, she puts up a forced smile on her face for a brief moment. 

He knows what he wants to say (he doesn’t want to lose her ), but he can’t get it out. Hilda continues to stare at him, her eyes still as droopy, tired, seemingly bored as usual. 

He knows she’s not bored though. She’s probably pretending she is because she doesn't want to pry any further since she was afraid that she would hurt him, however she still puts up her guard, afraid if his feelings for Dorothea still lingers in his heart. 

Unknowingly Ferdinand wonders if she would lower her guard after he lowers his. 

He decides to try without another thought given. He says, “I don’t want something like that to happen again,” and it’s a half-truth; they both know it. “The world doesn’t deserve such a horror again.” That’s a whole truth, but it’s not what either of them wants to hear or say. 

Hilda looks deep into him, bringing her hand down his arm, down, down, until her nails are raking the skin of his thigh. “Ferdie,” she whispers against his cheek, bringing her hand back up to lace her fingers with his, “I’d do anything.”

Ferdinand swallows. “For what?” He knows what; he just wants to hear her say it. Neither of them really say enough, are doing this entire thing backward with guards raised and armored souls and fear shaking on their skin, even after their marriage. 

So much fear. Ferdinand wonders if they’ll ever shed it. 

But he feels the first flake fall when he sees her cheeks turn red, sees her lips pout gently, as he hears the shiver in her voice. 

“For you.”

He knows it’s the truth. It’s that first step, the first time she’s ever really admitted it, and the realization makes it even more obvious that they’re doing this entire thing backward, but Ferdinand can’t find it in himself to care. He doesn’t need to realize how he feels, because it’s becoming more clear the more he ponders on it. 

Yet, his voice also shakes when he says, “I don’t want to lose you.” It makes Hilda’s entire face crumble, makes her rock with a sob against him. 

He closes his eyes and grips her hair harder, pushing her face against his as he kisses the crown of her head desperately. He’s breathless somehow, caught it the net of her voice and in what he feels for her, which he still can’t quite say, even to himself.

“Ferdie,” comes out of her mouth in a soft breath, almost a tempting moan. Sensual, gentle, hearing that nickname again made him happy, as it was a nickname thats only used by the person he loves.

She climbs just a little higher up his chest to kiss him, gripping his hair to pull him closer. Her lips are soft against his, and he can’t help himself, though the speed they’re going at makes his head spin. He can’t tell her to stop. 

She pulls away just as he’s stroking his hand along her naked waist. She’s breathless, her cheeks just a tint redder. 

“I’d do anything for you,” she says again, but with more conviction, as if she thinks Ferdinand doesn’t believe her. "I want you ferdie.” Her bottom lip quivers as she says it, Ferdinand couldn't hold his composure any longer he's staring at her as if he’s obsessed. 

He kisses her again, making her let out a soft whimper when he bites her bottom lip and pulls it carefully. She chases after him when he pulls away, only held back by his hand on her shoulder. 

“well i've always enjoyed spoilling you,” he told her, even with how close she is, he still can’t figure out the right word to say. His nose touches hers, their lips only an inch away from hers, and he hopes she knows what he means. 

Her gentle hum, soft nuzzle of her nose against his cheek tickles his heart. She sniffles and holds him tighter. She doesn’t say anything, yet a smirk curls in her mouth as she looks at him, eyes warm, Ferdinand knows that it’s just the way it needs to be. He already accepted her as she is, he thinks. After all, does he not love her because she’s herself? 

He leans forward, kissing the skin of her shoulder, sucking a hickey into it. She releases another soft breath, her hand coming to the back of his head to hold onto his hair, and wow, she has his heart. It had belonged to her, even before he asked her to be with him forever, before she came with him to Aeigr, even before the war ended.

He’s at her neck, nibbling it and making it red, when she whispers, “Ferdie.”

“yes my love?” he asks, his voice a bit gravelly because he thinks he’s getting hard already, she really knows how to turn him on. 

He’s spurred now, desperate to hear what her sounds can turn into. His hand trails from her shoulder down to her hip, then the inside of her thigh, his thumb so close to her center that he could rub it against her little nub if he really wanted to, but he doesn’t commit to it. The closest he gets to her is right outside her folds, then he rubs on them, hissing and biting back a groan when he feels that she’s soaked. He’s in full ecstasy, he wants her all to himself. 

She mewls quietly, pulls at his hair, and Ferdinand finally brings his head back to look at her, his composure broken (but then again, that doesn’t matter around her, for some reason). She’s broken too, eyes half-lidded and almost tearing up as she looks at him, bringing her teeth down on her bottom lip. 

“Ferdie,” she says again, desperately, like she’s afraid he won’t listen to her pleas. Just the thought that she might think he won’t listen to her makes him kiss her harder, but she whines again and pulls him back, harder than before and with more strength that brings a nice sting to his skull. 

“What?” He doesn’t mean to bite it out, but, he’s hard now and he needs to start doing something right this instant or he’ll explode. 

The next moan she lets out shakes, and he doesn’t need to wonder long why. He smirks at her, feels her shiver against him, surely even more soaked than before and the thought turns Ferdinand on too much. 

He exhales, kisses her again, still smirking and knowing his lips are curling against hers. 

And yet, “Ferdie,” comes out of her mouth a third time. 

She exhales, pauses. He looks at her, a bit concerned now, though it doesn’t overshadow how aroused he is. 

What does she want to say? He wonders if she wants him to stop, he moves to bring his hand back to her hip rather than her thigh, trying desperately to hold himself back. 

She grabs his wrist as he moves, shivering and bringing his hand to hold her breast, and Ferdinand nearly chokes on his own saliva as if it’s the first time he’s touching her. 

She’s still looking at him, hot, hot, burning. 

“Ferdie, plese spoil me more,” comes out soft, stuttered, and it has Ferdinand choking again. 

She’s never been as straightforward as that, usually she would only give subtle hints to him. Even when they had sex on the day they got engaged, in Ferdinand’s old room, she rarely said anything at all apart from Ferdinand’s name, bent with her moans; of course she didn’t put a name on what they were doing. The night before fighting nemesis, still vibrant in Ferdinand’s mind, she begged him to make love to her hard, because it might be the last time he ever would, and he did, so hard she probably would have complained about her wobbly legs the next day if they both weren’t terrified out of their own skins. Here, in Aeigr, she’s similar to their time in the monastery; she rarely says anything except for his name along with superlatives, pleas to go harder, harder, faster, faster, hold her closer, closer. 

Three words have always been in the back of Ferdinand’s mind since he first made love with her, but they never became concrete. In recent days, he wants them to. He’s realized that this is more now. Like she said, it’s lovemaking. Ferdinand’s never considered this lovemaking with just any woman, but of course it’s different with Hilda. 

Of course. And he doesn’t even mind now. 

The guard comes down. 

He kisses her lips again, then her neck. 

“I love you,” he mumbles against it, and Hilda gasps softly. His hands go to her thighs, holding them both open. He pushes her until she’s laying on her back, hair billowing out on the foot of his mattress, scattered like the blush on her cheeks. Ferdinand’s heart almost stops beating. 

She’s the most beautiful women he has laid his eyes on, eyes closed as she awaits what he’ll give her, how he’ll bring her to euphoria, and he can’t wait to show her, he can’t believe he has this desire inside of him. 

He leans down, brings his tongue to her neck and then down to her collarbone, which he kisses as she moans, encouraging him. His mouth comes to the underside of her breasts, plump but soft underneath his nose. She shakes as he kisses one of them, bites underneath it to leave a red mark, a sign of his unwavering love for her. His hands are holding both her breasts, pushing them closer together so they squish against each other and he can lick across them. 

Hilda’s quite shapely. Ferdinand never once gave into his lust—but after marrying Hilda he cant hold himself back. Her breasts are just so wonderful, round, plump, but soft to the touch with the most sensitive nipples, her moans of everytime he touched them, like music in his ears. 

He looks up, his mouth still on the underside of her breast. 

Her face his completely red. Tears are dripping down her cheeks, and Ferdinand can’t believe she’s this sensitive already. To make sure, he brushes his fingers against her core, against her wetness, and earns himself a shaky moan from her pink lips. 

“Are you enjoying yourself?” He knows she does, so he doesn’t mind that he receives no answer from her except for a slow nod. "then leave everything to me." He told her, with full confidence in his voice.

He hums, suckling on the skin of her breasts before coming to her nipple and licking it, which gets him another moan; at the same time, he teases a finger inside of her, testing the waters of her body as if he hasn’t done this dozens of times. The double onslaught on her seems to make her confused or indecisive—and Ferdinand loves it; she grips his head hard, tries to force him onto her chest, but also rocks her hips into his finger. 

The second finger goes in smoothly, brings another moan from her lips. He circles his tongue around the nipple he was just lazily lapping at, then starts sucking on it as his fingers start pushing in and out gently, and the noises she makes—both from her mouth and otherwise—are making him lose his reason. Ferdinand will never be able to get enough of this. He spreads his fingers apart inside her, relishes in the way her legs twitch and her head throws back. 

She whimpers " goddess almighty ” into the air as if the goddess will answer her. It brings a smirk to Ferdinand’s face as he looks at her blushing face. 

“are you not able to hold yourself back, my love,” he coos, his tone degrading as if he’s not harder than a rock, “I can’t believe you’re like this already.” 

“Shut up.” She doesn’t mean it; it comes out as a moan. 

Ferdinand chuckles, decides to finally take his mouth away from her nipple after giving it one last nip. He comes up to her face, his fingers still inside of her, covered with her, and kisses her lips, her exhale hot against his mouth. 

“I need you,” she whispers, trying to give him another kiss, though it’s more just her opened mouth inhaling his breath. 

“What was that?” he asks her, hooking his fingers up and making her back bend sharply. 

He looks closer at her face, at her furrowed eyebrows, closed, teared up eyes, her opened mouth. The sight makes his skin hot, and he wants it, embraces it. He’ll never feel as good as when he is with her. 

He groans impatiently. Pulls his fingers out, much to her disappointment and opened eyes. He looks at her, opens his mouth and lets his tongue hang out, and she moans at the sight. 

That’s his okay. 

He brings his head between her legs, and presses his mouth against her, immediately sucking on her nub, and her hand flies to his hair to grip it hard. He loves that feeling, he sucks it again like he did with her nipple, except with just a tinge more gentleness because he knows how sensitive he had made her. 

He then licks a stripe from inside her, up to the bump, and her breath is heavy. She’s soaking his lips, her taste on his tongue. 

He brings his fingers to join his tongue, presses them inside her at the same time he sucks again, and she pulls his hair so hard he’s surprised no strands come out with her grip. She moans loudly, gasps his name, again, again and again. 

Ferdinand smirks against her, gives her another lick, loving the pain on his scalp and the sounds she’s letting out. When he pushes up inside her and sucks her again, she practically screams, her other hand coming to his hair as she releases against his mouth. 

He continues lapping on her until she whines, this time in pain, and pushes his shoulder with her knee. 

“Stop,” she says in a soft grumble, and Ferdinand obeys, smirking when he meets her eyes. 

He leans down and kisses her forehead, then her cheek, and finally her lips. His hand finds itself in her hair, just playing with it as he kisses her. When he stops just for a second, he keeps his nose on hers, just inhaling her in. 

And it slips out. 

“I love you.” 

Hilda shivers and blushes, turning away from him. He hums, understanding the reaction, but still kisses her cheek. 

“Can we go further my love?” he asks, as he gets another shiver in response, followed by the nod he feels from her cheek moving against his nose. 

Ferdinand spreads her legs wider, and Hilda wraps her arm around his back, though her back stays down. He preps himself in long, relaxed strokes, and then he’s pressing inside her, making her inhale sharply and dig her head further into his mattress. 

She already came, so he won’t last long, but he tries to savor in it, he tries to be slow. She’s tight and wet, squeezing him. He feels like he’s surrounded, feels almost claustrophobic, can’t help the moan he lets out asHer nails dig into his back. 

He rocks her steadily into his bed, her gasps soft and only slightly bent around overwhelmed moans. Her entire body is tinted in pink, the most beautiful shade he ever saw, and Ferdinand can’t believe she’s his. He feels almost possessive, he grips her hip and pulls her into him in this stuttering rhythm. 

Before long he starts to move faster inside of her, and After a few more minutes he cant hold it inside, and so he releases his semen inside of her, making her moan loudly in ecstasy. He kisses her neck and groans against it, loving when her nails graze his back and come up to his hair. 

“I love you,” he finds himself saying again, his heart racing so fast he thinks he’ll explode. At this point, he doesn’t think he wants to say anything else. "With everything that I am, I love you, Hilda." 

Hilda nods, shaking, her eyes closed, skin buzzing, finally able to believe in his words. He takes her hand and squeezes it, "I hope that our future child will be as caring as you, my love."

His jaw clenches as he remembers the nightmare, shivers because he really doesn’t want to relive a tragedy like that again. He puts his hand in her hair again, tightening it into a fist for just a second and smiling at the soft mewl she lets out. 

He kisses her. 

He prays for a healthy offspring as he slowly stroke his wifes stomach. 

“You were always prudent when it comes to our marrige huh?” he says, absentmindedly for once. Always with her. 

“I'm only keeping a promise i made” she whispers, while winking seductively at him. He looks at her and smiles softly, taking her in his arms and kissing her shoulder as he feels sleep dig at his bones. 

“‘HildaI just want you to live for me,” he tells her, exhaling shakily at his openness. 

She hums. “I will,” she mumbles. He can tell thats not all she wants to say. 

He nuzzles her neck, while waiting for her response. 

Then she sighs. “I love you,” in whispers, insanely quietly. Ferdinand has to listen hard to hear what she said. 

He then squeezes her tighter and kisses her again, making her whimper against his lips. 

She has his heart. It feels like he’s loved her since forever, and he will keep loving her until he dies, and she knows that she holds a special place in his heart, just as he is special in her heart.


End file.
